I have been on tour for the IPL. Gonna be a week soon.

Lately, people have been telling me all the time they want to open a restaurant. A friend in Chennai wants to start one there. A journalist I know is fascinated by chain restaurants (His uncle owns Yoko’s sizzlers). But I feel they are all trying to wind me up with this talk. And trying to get a reaction, which may be hidden in the sub-conscious. Like, “OK, fuck it! Everyone wants to do it so I am pulling out!”

TR called me a conformist sometime back. I don’t remember exactly but something on the lines of I having a herd mentality. I do believe sometimes I put on a fake non-conformist shell just to attract some attention. But everyone telling me that they want to start a restaurant did not get that response out of me. So it has led me to believe this hankering for my restaurant is real. It’s a sort of test I passed.

Met my cousin N in Bangalore, who’s a hotel management graduate but finally quit that line as he believed the hotel industry pays badly. I agree with him. As a kid growing up, I was always fascinated by people working in restaurants and hotels. I always thought they must be getting treated well. But experience and the way I have treated some of the people in the industry has taught me they have to bear with every single mad person’s whim and fancy. I am not particularly good with people. In fact, at times I can reach out slit someone’s throat for talking incessantly.

Now, I am not a heartless person. I only yell at people in hotels and restaurants if there’s something terribly wrong and they act indifferent. But I do ask stupid questions, make unfunny remarks and make them feel generally uncomfortable. I don’t know why. I think the fact that I am curious about their job makes me do it.

But coming back to N, he also wanted to start something of his own but now has drifted into business management. N’s also got a sales and marketing job in Chennai with a plump salary and I am generally happy for him. He’s a hard worker, far more diligent than I was in school (we studied in the same class). And while he is not an uninhibited guy, I don’t have many cousins like him. He was telling me how he is stifled by the overwhelming hold religion has on our people. I did not tell him that, but I agreed with him completely.

Why I bring up N here is something i mentioned earlier. He is a hard-working man. If he walked away from the hotel industry because the rewards are not satisfying, I will run away. Double-quick.

So basically there is a little self-doubt creeping in. I am told by books that self-doubt is not so bad. That it makes you put in a little extra effort during crunch times. But I have earned fame in my head to shy away from such situations. I am asking myself nowadays, “Can I handle it?”

They even gave me advice even on how to go about getting my finances ready. It’s not easy telling them I plan to dump my current job to in ahead with this plan. So I have not yet told them that. I have always let them feel I was happy with what I am currently doing. It’s one of the many things I do not tell them to let then think of themselves for a change. I don’t like them being paranoid about me not knowing what to do. I have seen that phase before. Not one of the best times of my life. But I digress.

Coming back to my point. Dad suggested I should have a fixed plan for the restaurant before going ahead and asking for money. It’s not something he needed to tell me but I like that he did say it.

So basically I’ll start putting together a list of things I need to get straight at this moment. This includes the concept (if there is one), a cuisine, location and the selling points. I also have to put on to paper things like how to draw the crowd in. All this in layman terms because I don’t know any jargon.

But most importantly I wanna think of a great name, which not only pleases me but the rest of the more sane folk. So I am ruling out things like QUIET, which while it does appeal to me might not be so kind on the ears of the people who actually eat out.

I mean just think about it.

Ken: Let’s go to QUIET.

It sounds like a case of grammaritis.

So the name should sound right.

TR suggested EDS, which is a variation on my one time idea E is for Eat, Drink and Sleep, which changed to DES (I just like that name). But then TR said EDS is better. I agree. So that is the current favourite. Can you think of any others? Suggestions like Nikki’s/Nik’s/Nick’s/Niku’s will not be tolerated.

I want to start a restaurant, which could also be a place where you can crash for a night, few days or your lifetime. I don’t want it to be in Mumbai, the city where I have grown up and now sadly grown tired of. My friends suggest places far off, which tempt me but it will require me to take a risk, I am not famous for. My losing experiences while playing card games have taught me to play safe in everyday life.

I have a basic idea of what I want to do with the space I buy but I need inputs as to who to talk to about starting a new joint, what books to read and what will work.

The last bit is the most important bit. I once read that chefs often ask each other, “What would your last meal on earth be?”

So what would your last meal on earth be? Tell me.

It sounds dark and daft that I want to start a restaurant, where I will be serving your last meals. But I am sure you are all wise enough to understand that question.

I want to know what the perfect breakfast for you is before starting a day full of doing nothing. What’s the meal that will segue your post-brunch and post-lunch siestas? What is the follow-up to a day that you spent perfectly – lazing around in the sun, on the beach or on the plains with the wind? Where do you want to spend this perfect day? Tarkarli? Kasaul? Utorda?

Coming back to the other purpose of this space. Who do you know that I can talk to? Do you have an uncle who will lend me his wise? Are you yourself looking to do a bit of cooking? Can you explain what the heck menu designing means, in a way a website cannot? If you can, then please stay back here. Click on the comments and leave your comment, suggestion, condiment of choice, words of encouragement, joke of the day, phone number, email address or just some cynicism (It’d be a very happy and boring world without some of that.)

In the coming few days, I will lay out before you a few of my ideas. Approve, disapprove or just plain observe.

Thank you. Come again!